It's been a long day.

Bad sleep last night. Nervous about the next year, didn't think I would be but it's all becoming a reality now. Had to be up very early for 6 hour and 3 train journey to this beautiful onsen town. (see pictures in post below)

The town itself is rather plain but this ryoken we are staying in is beautiful...everything about it, the service, the food (see 'Waltz of the Food'), the hot springs...I love hot springs. They make your body and mind feel amazing.

I need to get some rest now as unfortunately my vertigo still is with me.

A beautiful view!

Bye bye Tokyo

Tomorrow I leave for my university. It will be a two day trip but very exciting. Ryokens (Japanese guest houses), Onsens (hot springs), good food, good company.

My vertigo is still with me but the symptoms are ceasing.

Went shopping this afternoon to get some last minute clothes. Not sure how many shops there will be in my new city.

Have to be up ealy to catch the train so night night

Vertigo

This is what I've got. It's like a dizzy, spinning feeling that doesn't go away. Not dissimilar to being on a boat, rocking in the waves.

Therfore I hae just been resting the last few days. I have another symptom of sore calves like i've been cycling or doing yoga for hours, which I haven't been able to do. It's difficult to do yoga when one feels this way.

My bags were collected this morning so today is my last day in Tokyo and I feel like this. Ah well, such is life!

My daily teachings from 'The Secret' for today is lovley

"When you find your purpose, it is like your heart has been set alight with passion, you know it absolutely, without any doubt"

I am still waiting for my purpose but think it has something to do with sharing yoga.

Last night bad boy called me. We spoke to each other for 45 mins. I am unsure of what to do of the situation. It's like a poisonous fruit. I know long term he's bad idea for me but I do actually think i love him. He makes something glow in my heart...my intuiton will guide me.

Heart warmers

Went out last night...for some food and karaoke.
Today....not much to report except I have flu which has got worse as the day had progressed.
Maybe a reason behind my extreme tiredness this week.
Just watched "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson. Heart warming stuff, if not a little cringey. JN is pretty sexy though, espescially considering how old he is. He turned 70 this year but his eyes and smile are so youthful.

Talking of heart warming stuff...watch this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGQVX8iGbgk
What do you think?

"Deep and true change comes fromt the inside out, not the other way round"

This is a quote from Baron Baptistes book, 'Journey into Power.'
I read much of this book on my round trip to Narita airport this morning. I read it several years ago, loved it then and am finding it just as, if not more inspiring this time round. As my friends told me the other night, I've grown up a lot, this is good. I feel mentally stronger but still growing. We are always growing.

Last night I didn't get much sleep which I put down to my little catnap earlier in the day. I still rose at 5.45 a.m., with a strong headache, to go to get the bus to take me on the 2 hour journey to the airport. It was like a game, trying to find my bag. I got a complicated map at the teminal that directed me to the cargo area. This was a good 15 min walk away. The building inside was like 'The Grudge'. The corridor went on and on and on. I was then told I needed to get customs to stamp a form, then go somewhere else to actually get the bag. A mission and a half? But I finally have my bag now, with all my clothes for the harsh winter.

So my headache has accompanied me all day, with, worryingly, stronger dizzier spell. Actually, i keep feeling disorientated. What will be will be, I suppose. I've had a pretty lazy afternoon. Was going to go to a restorative yoga class but a freind who I cancelled o last night has asked me to join her and others for dinner. I agreed, although my appetite isn't huge at the moment. Maybe I should stay in and rest. Baptiste talks much about being intuitive. That we always know deep down the right thing to do. I will attempt to go and see how I feel.

I would love to say...

that today I have been full of energy. But that would be a lie. Through the day I have been having dizzy and faint spells. My teacher was actualy worried about me so cut our lesson short so I could go home and rest. Which I did.
I woke up to go and meet an old friend/flame. We went for Iranian food. It was interesting but not my gonna be my favourite type of cuisine. I had a bit more energy but he commented how tired I looked. He tried it on a bit but I had to politely turn him down. Not interested at all...hear that bad boy.
Anyway, it seems I have to pick up my extra bag from the airport which is a 2 hour bus ride away so have to ruse at 5.30 a.m.
Oh yes, I also did 20 mins yoga this moring and 7 mins meditaion this evening.

Shiatsu

This was the highlight of my day today. I would have it every week if I could (and afford it). It was so relaxing and my masseuse said I had very tight neck muscles which it would seem is a factor of my refractory complaint of chronic fatigue.

I didn't make it to yoga as bed was too nice and asking me to stay and my arm was still hurting slightly.

I met my friend and we had a healthy lunch followed by lots of cosmetic shopping. I've just used all the products and am looking forward to seeing the results after a while. My skin felt squeaky clean and I had an amazing, relaxing bath so feel I'm going to sleep soundly.

God I want this tiredness to gooooooo.....

Paranoia is my worst enemy

This thought came to me as I was carrying out my night time ritual. Think it"s self explanatory?

Anyway, had a MUCH better day. Went to yoga. My right arm aches a bit from attempting the scorpion but probably because using muscles that haven't been used for a while.
I met friends about 2.30 in their amazing living complex with a gym, swimming pool, party room to hire, DVD and book library, cinema where you can choose the film....the list goes on oh and not to mention the views.

We took a boat to Odaiba which is where this pic was taken while we were having a delicious Italian meal and a few glasses of wine. Great company and watching sunsets. One of my favourite things.

So, pretty good day all round. Just one thing, my zombie like tiredness!

My tenet for the last few years has been....What's the worst that can happen?
I say this because I was talking about it with a freind this evening. It's so true...

Tomorrow: -
9.15 a.m. yoga
12 a.m Meet freind to on a huge shopping trip for beauty products and maybe some Shiatsu.
6 p.m. Study night

Night night

View... low down

This is what I wake up to every morning in Tokyo...amazing...yep
So why did I feel so low today. I was scared it was the first signs of depression. My sleep has been very eratic as have my thought patterns. So I didn't sleep till about 4.30 this morn so when my alarm went off for me to go to yoga class, I ignored it and carried on sleeping. Then I remember some paranoia dream and I when I woke up, I was actually crying strongly. I was really doubting this move and trying to learn a language.
I suppose this is normal but I won't let the evil voice inside me ruin my future. I will carry on.
I had a pretty lazy day then, read a bit, studied a bit,then went to meet some of my old work colleagues for tonkatsu. That was delicious and was good to meet up with them all. I did feel the extreme tiredness again, I do sometimes wonder if it is chronic fatigue syndrone...or is all in my head?
Tomorrow, I would like a more productive day.
9.15 a.m. yoga class
11a.m. early lunch
12a.m. off to coffee shop to study and read my book
5 p.m. meet the Lauras.

I"m happy

Finally got my charger so I can update more often. Had a pretty relxing week, lunches here, dinners there. I want to get my thoughts in order. I"ve been to yoga classes which isn"t bad considering I've been here a week and a lot of that was consumed by jet lag.

I can tell I"ve grown up in many ways although I still have more to go. I don"t need to drink so much, I do attribute this to the many years of yoga practice and the confidence it has given me.

Writing your thoughts is SO therapeutic.

So what"s on lucky ladies mind tonight?
Hmmm....
----I got a call from bad boy, seems he truely is missing me and is eager to come stay with me here in Japan. This did get me excited as if I"m being honest, he has played much on my mind...could it be love?

----Concerned a bit with the language learning and keeping sane with it. Must try not to put too much pressure on myself as I feel miles better than last time I was living here.

----Plans for next week. I"ve been trying to fill up my diary. Gonna meet lots of blasts from the past.

At the moment I am reading several books: -

• Three Black Skirts by Anna Johnson

A beauty/style kind which is fantastically written

• Lightning on the Sun by Robert Bingham

An amazing novel set in Cambodia...very inspiring

• Journey into power by Baron Baptiste

I have ead this once more and is probably one of the most inspiring books I"ve read. I love the way he describes the yoga poses along with the philosophy. This book helped me greatly last time I was living here.
Ciao for now!

I am here!

It's good to be back in my favourite continent. I do have strong jet lag and have only slept a couple of hours in the last few days. If I go to bed soon though i should be alright. It:s amazing how much better the body feels after yoga, My legs felt as thought they had blown up to extreme proportions after the long flight but 30 mins of intense stretching soon sorted that.
Went for yakitori with some old friends and is so good to see anyone.
Anyway have to wait till I can get on my computer to write properly because don:t feel I can write privately now.

A new life...

will be starting for me in less than 24 hours. I feel excited about it. I wanna make some serious changes this year. Can't write for long because not my computer but I have 4 hours in the airport to write some goals for the next year and some reflections from the past.

Time is closing in!

Am sitting in a local pub to where I am living to update on the last few days.
Friday...road trip to midlands for a very good friends wedding. Stayed in a beautiful cottage with some her other close friends. Early night to be fresh for the big day.
Saturday was AMAZING. Have to admit much merriment was had. A wonderful tea party, then a delicious meal in the evening. Funny how time passes so quickly on days like this. A whole day with strange but interesting people. Time fly's or flew. I was naughty again but I am just enjoying life so not gonna beat myself up over it.
Felt dreadful yesterday, sheer exhaustion. I was also very emotional which I am feeling now too.
I did a time line of my life from 2000 and realised how much I have actually done with my life. There was also some emotional events that came up that made me feel shameful and sad. Think I still need to see a shrink. Actually I really do.

Feeling good

Had a good sleep and am really in moving away mode now. Spent an hour sifting through mails and feel refreshed from dealing with some thiings I've been putting off. Had my hair cut yesterday, probably the shortest I've ever gone but I like it nonetheless. I'm gonna tidy my room and pack for wedding and going abroad. Then try and squeeze some yoga in.
Bad boy is playing on my mind less and less...good sign...

Don't bother!

Well...my last shift at work has come and gone. I feel a bit sad and strange to think I won't be visiting this city that has been such a big piece of my life for the last 2 years. The stories I could tell. Bad boy was supposed to meet me but i got a text that was as simple as
'cant do tonight.'
No emotion, no nothing. I know I said I was gonna close that chapter a few days ago but deep down I think I wanted to see him but then its postponing the finality of it all. So he called me when I didn't respond. He said he would call me tomorrow to which I replied
'DON"T BOTHER'
Childish, I'm sure but sums up how much he's let me down over the year, although I can't deny the exciting times we've had together.
It was a full moon tonight...I love it, magical feeling in the air.
No more work, no more running for the train. My life is ready for great change, I will grow stronger as my year progresses in this familiar let incredibly strange country.
Just one week left now....

Am I lonely?

Another shift at work. Just 2 more left then it's wedding then the big move to Asia.
I had a private yoga class yesterday, hamstrings hurting and feeling utter exhaustion all day. I even slept on train on way home but made myself do some yoga when I got in. What a lease of life this gave me. Just been sorting out some bits and bobs. Got an urge to go out and eat. Eat eat eat...is it becuase I'm lonely? Emotional eating, not fitting in with the yogic way.
On a final note, bad boy didn't get in touch..yet, but I not holdong breath while I wait.