Sitting with the itch...apply it to my life.

Meditaion session

Just finshed a meditation session, I did this straight after I got back from work. One thing I noticed was an itch I had in my left eye corner. I observed it without out giving into the temptation of giving a good satisfying itch. I noticed the itch intensified and it took more of my presence and strength to just sit an quietly observe the sesations. After a minute or two, the cravings to itch ceased. One interesting thing about this is that I realised I could apply it to the temptations I maybe find irrisistable yet know they are doing me harm. My binges with my bad boy is my latest one. When he phoned last week, I ignored it at first, then the urges to speak to him increased until it occupied my mind. So....I ended up texting him and meeting with him. Then I felt sad for a few days because I don't understand my feelings. Do I love him? But this is not a possible answer because he really is a bad bad boy and I know that it's better for my own sake to stay away. So, next time he has contact, I'm going to use this meditation technique and see if it works.

Work today

Nothing majorly exciting happened at work. I talked with one of the guys about my big fling with a certain person who has now left and how my heart was broken into pieces. I don't blame him so much but still have feelings somehow for him. Talking about it with soeone who knows him made these feeling resurface somewhat and I had that empty feeling of loss that hurts...
Apart from that my only real issue at work was how much I ate. I felt bad after each purge but couldn't stop. Looking back it's like I was throwing things into an empty hole that was never getting full up. I don't want to do this but I keep on doing this. In fact I can use the technique I'm going to use for bad boy for my food urges. These food binges... not only does it make me feel bad and beat myself up mentally but ut makes me feel slow and lethargic and am hoping it won't have too much affect on my yoga practice tomorrow. I intend to do the full primary sequence which i haven't done for a while...then I can get back on the right tracks.
Time to get to bed....