Revelation

Yesterday I had a wonderful day. I was so happy all day, life just felt good. I also had first contact with bad boy. I could see his face fo the first time in 2 months. So strange how 2 such very different people can be so drawn to one another. But paranoia is a big factor in my life. Sometimes it takes over me like posion and I can feel it destroying relationships slowly. I will not let it anymore. But bad boy, what am I doing (same old story), nothing can happen...we are just too different and have totally different dreams in life....ahhhhh

I have also realised that the 'eye lash buiding liquid' is a stong contender for the cause of the intense dizziness I was going through. I am trying to investigate. Still feeling tired but dizziness has pretty much ceased.

Have been practising yoga each day this week and this has helped with my happiness...it is making me so much stonger!

I have 2 tests tomorrow, so trying to get down to some hard core studying. Feeling more confident about my language learning at the moment....life is great!

Having complete control over my thoughts

Is this possible?
I am a very reactive person. People, I always say, are like chemicals. To clarify, people react differently with one another to make certain, in our human's case, relationships.

For me personally, it really bother me when I don't get on with people. Not that I need to be loved by everyone (maybe I do) but bad reactions always leave a really bitter taste in my mouth. And I dwell...why how I dwell, a lot.

So my life is starting to take structure to these new surroundings. The weekend involveda beautiful trip to the mountains. My disgraceful energy levels stopped me form going on the hike with my friends. I waited in the car. I did not wish to ruin it for them. I made a decision to try and cut dairy out of my diet, again. I really want to get to the bottom of this bane in my life.

I am very happy, apart from this problem though. I have made several really great friends. the workload is quite a lot but I enjoy it. Learning is a huge part of the point of life. To grow and make oneself stronger...mentally and physically. Talking of which, I did a good yoga practice this morning.

Must sleep now ready for a new day tomorrow!

Goals

This is something I've been thinking of on and off for a while now. I don't really know what they are. I think they involve yoga. i want them to invole yoga at any rate. I want to set some goals but I don't know how.
Ahhh, it's a viscious circle. Or is it? No it's not really. What's going on in this crazy head of mine?
I love my family. But I sometimes feel sad because I don't/can't see them enough.
Home is where the hurt is!!
I've will follow my heart but where does my heart want to go.

More mediation is needed. I just saw a video on medidation that said not to meditate before bed as it gives u too much energy. This would figure with previous nights of insomnia following previous meditation! I will meditate tomorrow following the yoga, which i have done 4 times in the lst week. I feel pleased with this progress. I also feel so much better in myself from doing it.

I am sooooo sensitive to noise. Maybe this can be a goal, to not let noise bother me so much.
And following from last blog to not get so upset by stupid meaningless comments. Ok two goals to work on in the next week. Lets see how I get on.

I'm angry

Ok, dizziness has stopped. Tiredness still here.

I did yoga in Tuesday and Weds, the full primary series both times. Today though, my hamstrings are very very tender. So, I couldn't practice today.

I feel upset and hurt by a comment that was made tonight. It made me feel really ugly. I think this is one of my sensitive issues. I really don't wanna be ugly...maybe I should face it.

No no, I wanted this to be a positive blog. I just feel sad and a bit down. Tomorrow...a positive day!!

Wowww

Just realised that that is the first post in ages when I have't talked about being dizzy....

update....

MY DIZZINESS HAS NEARLY CEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lets be amicable

Here is an image of the typhoon this morning from my balcony. It was really only a bit of rain, nonetheless our classes were cancelled. I've yet to have a lesson... The typhoon actually wrecked some areas, killing 2 people. Our area doesn't seem to have been affected so badly though.

So I did some studying. I had a message from a guy I vaguely know. This message really bothered me and made me realise again how affected I can become form other people and how it makes me paranoid. From maybe one word or one action that they may not mean to do to offend but it ticks around in my head for ages!! A form of OCD, perhaps? Anyway, he sent me another message to apologise and that the comment was not actually directed at me but a general message. So he's trying to be amicable. Tomorrow I will send him an equally amicable message. I want feelings of happiness and satisfaction in my life.

So it is late now. I have been chatting lots to my new friends...

There is always worry in my mind. i am too serious, need to lighten up. My latest is that my skin is horrific and I am sooo ugly. But really it might just be the light in this room.

Typhoon ambuscade

Mother nature is knocking on our doors. The typhoon is here. I can here the gushing sound of the rain on the nature below. It feels exciting. Waiting for the calm after the storm....

As for my internal storm, today I am feeling slightly better. Althought not 100 %.

Did about 15 min yoga practice. Actually today, I found out the majority of my days will be a 10:30 a.m. start so as soon as I am better I can do long yoga practices in the moring and watch my body shine.

Tiredness calls me...

For my new life, the diziness has not a care

Here is an image of dizzy...since this is what my life is at the moment! What is it? What is it?
I really wanna know! So as you can gather, my situation has not changed...still accompanying me as I try to pursue my new life. Also had splitting head aches today.

Had gatherings today and think I will be VERY busy studying which is good.

Anyway, got creative with my evening yoga practice. Am taking it easy until my dizziness subsides. So I did a yin practice, including: -

A standing foraward bend, wide angle seated forward bend, pigeon pose, childs pose and butterfly pose.
I held each pose for 10 deep breaths. Finishing off with savasana. These poses feel great.

Praying that the dizziness is going to decrease tomorrow...

Hip issues

A very successful restorative yoga pose.
One of my favourite hip openers is double pigeon which as Baron Baptiste describes "...opens you up." To come out of this pose, one feels a great release in the hips. This is one of my issues in yoga, my right hip. This pose is very beneficial for this.

Mentally, I feel much better after this. Was starting to feel a little down, over analysing things etc.

One thing I did notice during Savasana (relaxation pose) was a very uncomfortablt sensation in my lower back. I think this is another week part of my body.

Think no ashtanga or power yoga till my medical issues have cleared up.

Funny how things change

"Seek the power within as it knows the perfect way for you"

A quote from the secret. I'm trying to do this but seriously, this tiredness and dizziness is overwhelming me now. I went to the doctors this morning. The language barrier is difficult. He basically told me to wait four weeks and if the dizziness is still here then he will send me to the hospital for tests. He told me to get LOTS of rest and sleep in the meantime. This made me upset as I am raring to go with my new life but find it ever so difficult to do anything that requires energy.
I study..I wanna sleep. I walk around....I wanna sleep. I go shopping....I wanna sleep. I do yoga....I wanna sleep. i try and talk a foreign language....I wanna sleep! Please let this end.

Actually. I will try and do some restorative yoga tonight. I have a C.D. from Shiva Rea. The moon (night sequence) is excellent. Yes. I shall do this now.

Acclimatizing

The view from the balcony in my room!

I don't feel like a prisoner today. Actually, the dizziness and immense tiredness(yawn yawn) still with me and I'm going to doctors tomorrow but I made myself go out today. Went to the Internaitonal festival in the city. It was lovely. I made a calligraphy board and watched some amazing international performances.

Didn't manage yoga again. It's so difficult when one feels this way but at least I got away. Tomorrow we have a test to determine which language class we'll be in. I've done some work but...hmmmm...we'll see.


Really like a lot of the people here. Made some good friends already.

Another country

Today I feel...bad. So so bad. The diziness has got worse and I feel trapped because if i go out I feel so dizzy and faint. I don't have sickness though. I will definitely go and see the doctor on Monday morning.

I tried to do yoga this morning but felt too sluggish and dizzy. so have been trying to learn language but can't focus. Ahhh it seems to be always but but but. I have also eaten really badly.

i wanted to get a bike, I wanted to explore the campus. But I am a prisoner in my own room.

A quote from Lao Tsu

"Silence is a source of great strength."

Much better toady!

This is what my surroundings will be like for the next year. Very green and full of nature.

I finally had a great nights sleep and feel much happier and positive about everything.

I actually did the 75minute Power Yoga routine...all the way through this morning. I awoke all parts of my body and mind ready for action.

Today is very rainy, much different to yesterday but still hot...and beautiful!

Sitting with the emotion

So just about to start my new life away from all friends and family.
I actually feel sad, bad feelings between me and another person. Won't go into it as I feel I have dealt with it.

I realise I am not so good at coping with things events that don't go as planned. Can I change this?

Anyway, I woke at 3.30 a.m. this morning and never went back to sleep. So beyond exhaustion now. The place i am at is absolutely beautiful and already met some cool people. It's just the language barrier that I am finding upsetting but I will take my own advice, as pointed out by a great person. "Yoga took time, so will the language learning. " It's obviousley my sore point. Just can't see how I can get there.

I always feel like I'm rushing to finish these posts so I can get into bed but today it's definitely best if I get everything off my chest.

Lets see...

• Bad skin (is it the new products)
• Yoga practice

Today was amazing, I really broke out into an intense sweat and it felt good. I did some yin yoga when I felt upset this evening to release the tension

• I did a lot of studying today...also felt good
• Vertigo still here...annoying but easier to live with now I'm more used to it.

I'm going to try and translate an e-mail now, that will give me a confidence boost.

Onsen yesterday

oh


The hotsprings in our hotel on the first night. You wash and scrub, get into bath for about 10 mins (or longer), then into the plungepool.